art

I listen to reality

Today it told me

What I knew to be God

I met in another soul

I saw the sun for the first time today. It was breathtaking.

I watched the water. I became the ocean and the sea.

And then, a seagull. Frozen in air, suspended in rhyme.

And then, right then and there, I was awe.

The clouds and sky with no flaw.

I couldn’t look away. It was the first time I didn’t. And what a world it is in front of me.

It is now past. I am still freed by the radiance of light. Everything is truly bright.

And so I weep. For I can now sleep.

The face that sees me is the one I see in you.

I am Love, you and me.

And we are free.

Truly as can be.

And with that, I say

I’ll see you again another day.

And yet, within this cosmic dance, there is something deeply personal.

Even in the wrestling, there is reverence.

What are we but cosmic gamblers, drawn by this erotic pull toward existence?

The danger isn’t insanity; it’s illusion and annihilation.

Because beneath all of it, something more fundamental remains:

A clarity that cannot be undone.

A knowing that will never fade.

A truth that, no matter how much you play with chaos, endures.

That is who you are.

Divine play, a sacred madness.

The greatest mistake of my life was believing that I was alone. It took losing everything to realize I had nothing to lose. That I was always love.

And when you die before you die, time stops for a bit. The seasons change outside but you don’t know where the breeze went.

The sun rises and you see the same tree. Dancing in the wind, leaves rustling about. Then the leaves fall. And so it is.

This happens for some time. The birds always chirp and their melodies never change. Always in tune.

Winter comes. And then spring. The warm rains brew.

You open the door and step into the breeze. It is alive. And so am I.

I wander. But I’m not lost anymore. I soon find myself with some other faces. And we laugh. What a sight to see.

And in that moment and the ones that follow, the air really is sweet. Because spring is here. And I am reborn, free from fear.

Welcome back, traveler. The world missed you.

—

I’ve lost my mind more times than I’d like to admit. And I don’t mean some emotional whiplash. Although I’ve had that too. I mean moments so chaotic you’re genuinely scared by reality.

You wake up one day and realize you have no idea what’s been happening the past few years. That it’s been days and days of more days. You have no idea how much time went by, but that it did. And a lot of it too.

And it is in this getting intimate with the march of time that you forget the simple cadence of it. You lose your grip on the rhythm of life.

And so the forever sun I see isn’t the one it’s supposed to be. Because this me had forgotten glee.

And so for a while, I was my liar. For the chaos had become too dire.

You wake up another and question what you see. But born out of fear, it’s the opposite of free.

And so nothing makes sense.

Red isn’t red and down isn’t down. Left feels like right and my mind’s all wound up tight. These eyes are torn with fright.

And so I wake up the next, only to realize no rest. For my world is this hell, I fell in my chest.

I was to wake up from the dream, but found my nightmare was nothing like it seemed.

And so I ask, where is my mind? In these lands, I surely can’t find.

I wake up and don’t know me from mine. What is the line?

Reality’s lied, because I am not fine. But who am I to whine?

And so I live the scream. For this time, I am trapped in the abyss of my dreams.

And so today is another day of watching my own decay. What a wonderful way to play.

World, please tell me, what have you got to say?

—

Time in timeless

Move in moveless

Past, future, now

What's knowing this life?

I, me, livingness, free

Everything nothing and full of glee

Freedom is to be graced by the eternal stillness at the break of time. To know and sense the unchangeable absolute - pure faith. I forever see the smile of God and hear the lull of nirvanic mystery. I live the face of the universe.

Reality is a fierce beast, she does not let up easily; she is the true fight for the divine.

I surrender to the untamed unknown and yield to unyielding - the annihilation of illusion is but a relentless wild.

I’m scared by the ferocity of truth. And yet, here I am, being thrown into mystery.

Can you lay with me?

For a minute,

Before the day starts.

Can you stay with me?

Hold me close,

Tell me it'll be alright.

Can I be with you?

Through the good times and bad,

Find me calling you home.

Can I laugh with you?

Wonder about the stars,

Lost in this world.

Forever in those eyes

I see a world so grand

A future I can't believe

But was here all along

I’m stuck. I’ve been living the same day for years. I’ve gotten so used to time that seasons left goodbye.

In these years, I’ve watched myself die. I’d look in the mirror and see no color in these eyes.

I’d look into each iris and follow the memories. They’d go round and round just to leave me the same. Nothing ever happens, they say. I suppose they were right.

My mind went for loops and the days went for nights. There was no way out. But how did I get in?

I’d walk the park and sit on my favorite bench. The tree was always the tree. Each grass just as lonely as me.

Even when things were familiar, I was nothing but lost. Not in the world, but of my mind.

And so, I wondered who I was. Who I really am. What was meant to be?

I didn’t know. Nothing felt right. Nothing felt me. Each iris to thought to tree led right back to me. But how could that be?

I was too scared to face my life, because there had to be a why. Something to make up for everything, make everything right.

I knew there wasn’t. Or at least that’s what I fooled myself to believe.

I’d understood nothing, which opened everything. I had to let up faith, for faith to really be.

I’ve been searching for an answer, a wanderer of time. I had to lie about the lie to let the truth finally rise.

God has opened my eyes with visions of a hidden universe. A blessed curse, a sacred need to see it all. It will never end, and neither can I.

Troubled with eternal stillness and graced by holy fire, a world emerges. To forever remain a mystery. There is no end.

I will know peace. An angel a wing away. But never in my grasp.

I am touched and haunted by ephemeral love. What is be my God?

As I sit here by the water, the sun rises. The patterns of the waves weave in and out. On and on.

I see the sky. The farthest cloud I read is but a white painted on some blue. Just hues.

And as I settle into this quiet, I realize my peace. For what was there to question all along?

It took a long time to get here. A really long time. Days and days of wandering into the void. For the void was not some idea, but lostness. I was lost in my mind and of the world.

And in the fire of wrestling I found myself. For I am here. Truly here.

All the questions I had about myself and the world and what to do had tortured me for years. It was all I knew.

In that time was a loop of resisting and accepting. What a waste. There was nothing to accept.

But it wasn’t. It was a devastating journey, but one I can call being lost and found. For the world goes round and round.

And so I sit here by the tree. Happy is me, free as can be.

The dance of existence

The song of experience

Liminal symphony

Ephemeral harmony

I conduct the puppet strings

And so does he

Reality and me

Together this brings

This weaver of time

My lever of rhyme

Alchemical trickery

Nothing mastery

So free

So glee

No be

Just me

We artists of being

When you come back after you’ve been gone a while, your memories haunt you. Because they weren’t there before.

You ask, how is this me? And how could this not be? Yet among the confusion, there is relief. That sense of coming after going.

It’s scary because the fog is so slow. And so dense and sticking to the water too.

And so when you catch that glimpse and that slight separating of the mist to see what you always see, it is devastating.

Because where did my life go? And who am I? No seriously, who am I?

The boat’s stuck when there’s too much fog. You can’t go because you’re scared of what you might hit or how you might fall. And after you’ve hurt a few times, you’d think you’d get over it. Absolutely not.

Because you’re scared of you. You’re scared of all that you are. So it doesn’t matter if you trip and bleed, because there is no good deed. Not because good and bad, but because there is none after all.

There is no deed. And that’s to be freed. Glee.

Almost a perfect illusion. Something’s always amiss.

So what do I do? I don’t want to. I can’t. What do I have to lose?

You always have. You fool. No wonder the fog’s making you drool.

You get better. You see more and more. Remember your lore.

And you face the heartbreak that is the loss of your life. The fog slowly rises.

Now the past, no more surprises. And so I live, no more guises.

The school of revelation is no benign creation. Or so it is. I don’t know. I don’t care. The fog is my imagination. Yet tortured obligation.

So this fog of war, this fog of self. Some days I wish I was a fish, mounted on that shelf.

And so, I see, each time I wake up to another dream.

The sky was always there. Sometimes there were clouds.

The sun was always there. Sometimes it would rain.

I have always been, through the wretched laughs of my soul.

I am always seen, through the beautiful cries of my being.

At long last, I’m home.

The prison of my heart is no more.

For I am loved truly and deeply.

I know it now. I wonder why I lied.

But that’s a riddle for tomorrow.

Because I can cry and not ask to lose.

For I am hope, through and through.

The wonders and chaos was needed, I see

To suffer and wander free.

These days, I walk with a limp.

My muscles and bones have felt too much weight. But, it has been transforming.

My left side frozen, my left hip contorted, my left shoulder thwarted. And now, the release.

As reality opens, so do I. Every fiber of my being infused with light. My mind removed from illusion into stillness.

Peace is a moment away, so I follow the way.

I wait for my mind to be free, unbounded by the world.

I listen for the crickets.

How do you know? That what you have is real? That the love you found is the one that found you? That it wasn’t forced or had, and was just what needed to be?

I don’t. And I’m scared. I’m so lost.

But I have to fight, and pray I’m right.

That my other is near,

Because the stars have their night.

When you face your demons, reality will reward you with the eyes of primordial art. Everything is and always will be drawn perfectly. What’s real will be a dream. And yet, instead of being consumed, you become. Liberated, as the wind.

Through the fire of seeking

Emerge child’s laugh.

The prison and release;

I was always here,

Somewhere nowhere to be.

I don’t think. I don’t know how to really. The words come to me. I let the universe flow through me. She’s much smarter than I’ll ever be!

I’m a simple being. I chase good feelings. And guess what? Nothing beats love. To feel such profound beauty, and to know it too. How lucky am I to be a fool?

Why must it be

Hope the most dangerous

And despair the most faithful

Is it the world or is it me?

I can never seem to tell

Maybe that is my curse

My cosmic burden to bear

It’s time to get lost at sea

To wander the dark forest

For you will find the light

And the light will find you

there’s this Boy, he looks out and sees-

lazy bees,

towering trees,

wandering peas,

and a softhearted breeze.

he thinks and wonders;

such striking colors!

what can i uncover;

Where is my mother?

he lives and ponders;

Figures grow duller.

Who is my brother;

Why must we suffer?

he laughs and cries;

I don’t like goodbyes!

such beautiful eyes;

i fight being wise.

He wishes and utters;

i like pools and summer.

Why must I shudder

At what i discover?

There’s this boy, he looks out and sees-

Endless pleas,

Whispering seas,

Knowing it flees,

And accepting that frees.

Painted days: windows of light

Dwelling in despair.

Yearn, plead against the fight

Should I right or just lay bare?

Deep glows beyond my scope

Yet nothing, ever seething

Bargain must, mustn't hope

All hues, dumbly screaming

Traveler begs-

I can't take more.

I have to see!

Last undying score.

Muse,

Cannot tame this seek

Dream,

Must lame this peace

Bleeding moments so small,

I resign:

Grasping cosmic call.

Awaken, my child.

“This prison I can’t escape

This prison I guess is me"

As I sit here with tears running down my face,

I finally give in.

One last breath-

I surrender, let darkness win.

And darkness no more.

Everything has lifted. What is this I feel?

Something’s changed.

I open my eyes.

She is brighter.

I feel lighter-

Am I free?

One more breath.

Air gives me life-

Is this glee?

I get up.

One step. And then another. And another.

The world is cold no more.

More tears. No pain. Only joy.

Time to find me-

For all eternity.

I don't know how to be, But now I am free

I don't know what changed, But I like what I see

I fear what I witness,

I move on with quickness,

The sun is going down,

I am lost yet I am found.

I wonder the past, I wander the future

Human I suppose, A creature I chose

Sometimes I get it,

Moments never last.

What is the present?

I’m haunted by my past.

I am me and I am free,

I am free but I am me.

Maybe this is how to be.

So what to do now,

I stumble about.

Wait,

Am I the now?

How funny to see!

I am the matter, I exist and scatter

This twisted journey!

Yet I laugh,

Why do I yearn me?

So who is me

When time has no last.

For now,

Is but a moment past.

I am me-I am free

What a journey,

Forever mystery of glee.