poems

I listen to reality

Today it told me

What I knew to be God

I met in another soul

I saw the sun for the first time today. It was breathtaking.

I watched the water. I became the ocean and the sea.

And then, a seagull. Frozen in air, suspended in rhyme.

And then, right then and there, I was awe.

The clouds and sky with no flaw.

I couldn’t look away. It was the first time I didn’t. And what a world it is in front of me.

It is now past. I am still freed by the radiance of light. Everything is truly bright.

And so I weep. For I can now sleep.

The face that sees me is the one I see in you.

I am Love, you and me.

And we are free.

Truly as can be.

And with that, I say

I’ll see you again another day.

And yet, within this cosmic dance, there is something deeply personal.

Even in the wrestling, there is reverence.

What are we but cosmic gamblers, drawn by this erotic pull toward existence?

The danger isn’t insanity; it’s illusion and annihilation.

Because beneath all of it, something more fundamental remains:

A clarity that cannot be undone.

A knowing that will never fade.

A truth that, no matter how much you play with chaos, endures.

That is who you are.

Divine play, a sacred madness.

The greatest mistake of my life was believing that I was alone. It took losing everything to realize I had nothing to lose. That I was always love.

And so as I watch the stars, I am the finger pointing at the moon.

Not because I dream, but because I do.

I will always be here. I will always be this.

So when I reach for the stars, I am looking from afar.

Because I suffer. Because I yearn. Because I question.

That will always happen. No matter what is. Even then, what isn’t is what is.

So it’s okay to point. It’s okay to seek. It’s okay to wonder who you are.

There is no secret. Sometimes, cold will feel warm. And that’s all you need.

So I am the moon, laughing from afar. For I am never alone, here with the stars.

And so I cry with joy and sorrow, for there is always today and tomorrow.

Sometimes, when the world would get real quiet, I’d go by the sea. It would be late into the night. There was a soft breeze, a slight chill to the winds.

I had come to my favorite spot in the world. A little treasure hidden on the side of the road.

It was a beautiful oasis. There was a sprawling stone path and a little wood cabin. There was a stream flowing through and a pond where life sprang anew.

Once in the summertime, there were hummingbirds! My what a treat that was. What a sight to see.

And so on this one lonely night, the fateful moon was calling. The sea was brewing and the clouds were churning.

I looked up and made contact with the stars. There was this one in particular, this one that burned afar.

I was by my lonesome and I didn’t know why I was here. But I was, and no one was near.

I wanted to scream, I wanted to shout. I wanted to rage and break all about. But I didn’t. I sat and sighed in silence.

And so the clouds kept churning and the sea kept brewing. But the moon was always there, my fateful light this lonely night.

The stars had faded, the sky turned to black. And so I was left, for even they had turned my back.

I laughed then I cried. Not much came out. It didn’t feel like it wanted to, but there was much doubt.

For I was lost among the stars, I had wandered too far. My dreams were more dreams that broke me from this stream.

And so I sighed and looked up to the moon, on this one lonely fateful night.

Today, I walked. I walked until I could find some water.

It seemed my being was craving it.

As soon as I smelled that salt and felt the mist, I sighed. Wow, what a relief.

The waves and I, too many goodbye’s. And yet we meet again.

So I find solace in this embrace, and wonder to the lull of this grace.

I drop my shoulders and unwind my thighs. I look up and close my eyes. And I surrender.

I am the wave and the ocean. I am the sailor and the sea. Sometimes, you need to be trapped to know free.

That I am. So as my soul crashes over and over, I too am that rumble of water. Each ripple of wonder. And terror.

For they keep on marching on. They are the eternal, after all.

So I seek refuge in this endlessness. For I am more and less. To never be seen again.

And that is the story of forever.

So I linger and linger, for I am achingly alive.

And so I wade back into the tide. To be seen again.

And now I am enveloped by green. Luminous, luscious green.

The trees wave hi, no more goodbye’s. And the grass parts for me. Such glee.

So now I see there is this way. Through the eternal and into the now, for I am this bridge between why and how.

I feel the air on my nose, smell this blooming rose.

Now stand high, do the leaves sigh.

Do not cry. Do not fear. For you are here.

And now I am enveloped by green. Luminous, luscious green.

I am no longer afraid. For I know the fire that raids.

It is on its way. It always is.

And here I am. Waiting for this.

For I am peace. And it can leave.

Why must it be

Hope the most dangerous

And despair the most faithful

Is it the world or is it me?

I can never seem to tell

Maybe that is my curse

My cosmic burden to bear

I have to keep moving. I have to keep going. Or the demons will get me.

They are always chasing. They are always there. They are my shadow in the light.

I can’t stop. Because once I do, I will be consumed. By hate and fear, while nothing is clear.

But I have to. I don’t know how much more I have left in me. I don’t know what to do. How could this be?

What did I do wrong? Why me?

And so it was. And so it is.

It’s been some time, and time itself has lost its rhyme. The demons won. They beat me to it.

But as I sit here and wrestle with pain, I question. What did they beat? Where were they going? Where was I going? Where am I? What is it?

And so the demons turn to angels. For you are lost, to be found.

You are lost, to be found. Again, and again.

And so demons become angels become me become demons. And angels again.

And when you fall in love, you really are beauty.

The depths of her soul and the strength of her smile, the laughs and the grace that make the pain worth all the while.

So many thoughts and feelings that come and go, but you oh no. Because I can’t let you go.

I simply can’t. And I won’t. Because life without you I can’t hope.

So let’s wonder the sky and journey beyond the stars.

Because you are the world, everything that you are.

I don’t think. I don’t know how to really. The words come to me. I let the universe flow through me. She’s much smarter than I’ll ever be!

And in front of me stood a field of beings.

Dancing with the wind, laughing from afar.

We were all the same, these wondrous stars.

For when I saw, they looked back.

This mirror stopped me in my tracks.

The face of my world and what is had been.

These friends I knew could commit no sin.

For they were me.

And I was them.

So we are.

I cannot see what prances without being all the chances.

I will not know unless I reap what I sow.

For in front of me lies this field of dreams.

So I am what it is and really seems.

The wilds chaotic as weeds.

This sun too it bleeds.

And so this sky, my canvas of why.

The clouds go on.

I come passing by.

I am buzzing with aliveness.

No one can deprive this.

I am everything.

Truly everything.

So I feel whole.

Because I am.

I feel joy.

Because that is.

And I am here.

With love for this heart, this world of what is.

God has opened my eyes with visions of a hidden universe. A blessed curse, a sacred need to see it all. It will never end, and neither can I.

Troubled with eternal stillness and graced by holy fire, a world emerges. To forever remain a mystery. There is no end.

I will know peace. An angel a wing away. But never in my grasp.

I am touched and haunted by ephemeral love. What is be my God?

And when I am gone, I will still suffer. I am still here, just no longer an other.

I have no choice. This is but my voice. For the world is this hell, and times we must rejoice.

There is love. There is hate. We live and fight and question our fate.

I know what’s mine. I know my mind. For I was blind, and now I can find.

And what I see is that I was never free. I will never be. For this world pains, the tears remain.

And I am always free. I will always be. For these tears remain, and I ordained.

And when I am gone, I will still suffer. I am still here, just no longer an other.

I have no choice. This is but my voice. For the world is this heaven, and times we must rejoice.

That is the truth. We are the youth. This is what we do.

And so I am twisted. My heart mighty wicked.

For I yearn to break. Then break it again!

I am chaos in pain. The storm of the rain.

I am madness in ashes. The wake of the thrashes.

Set my heart on fire so it can dance in the flames. So I can be the one to blame.

For I am alive, no mind can this being tame.

And so I weep these ecstatic tears of God. I am. I am not.

I howl my loss of self. I speak this abyss of death.

That is the truth. I am the eternal. And so I rage and glee, for life is but my journal.

I have found myself in the wreckage of my being.

This sacred declaration beyond the mind. For what’s holy you cannot find.

I live my choices. I breathe my actions. So I can wild, learn my passion.

I am intoxicated by the weight of my stake. So let me burn, all that is fake.

Be the ruins of the cosmos. Shatter my soul. So I can return again, Beloved as whole.

It’s time to get lost at sea

To wander the dark forest

For you will find the light

And the light will find you

I knew I had changed when the trees started to dance.

For the clouds had shifted, and so the sun wanted to prance.

I knew I had changed when the grass started to whisper.

For the breeze had calmed, and so the sea wanted to mirror.

So I knew things had changed. Because I could see. And for the first time, I saw me. Truly me.

So I knew things had changed. Because I could be. And for the first time, I was free. Truly free.

And so there was glee. I was at ease.

And on this beautiful night, I watch the sun set.

For I no longer fret.

And so the birds in the sky, oh how they fly so high.

And on this wondrous canvas do I see the truth of all beings.

For I am. And you are.

We are but I am. I am but we are.

Again and again and again.

And so I am but this bee floating in the sea.

And as I look onto thee do I realize the truth of all beings.

For I am. And you are.

Again and again.

Freedom is to be graced by the eternal stillness at the break of time. To know and sense the unchangeable absolute - pure faith. I forever see the smile of God and hear the lull of nirvanic mystery. I live the face of the universe.

There is a stillness far past the break of time. Where the prisms of being collapse into itself.

Things are moving. Things are always moving. And so am I. But also not.

In my mind is the watcher that watches and the seer that sees. Both are always there. But sometimes not.

When there is peace within chaos, there is silence in the storm. For the moving is dancing, not fighting.

And so when we see the masks of our faces and bleed through what is, we reach that bliss.

A bliss so profound that it is quiet. Peace.

A peace so wonderful that it is alive. Play.

A play so haunting and beautiful that it is all that it is.

There is a field beyond the stars where grass flows behind the sea.

There is a sea amidst the sky where stars become the clouds of the free.

And in this everlasting field of green and blue and red and white do we hear the cheering of crickets.

A vibrating lull. A vibrating thread of nothing that is the cosmic tapestry of everything.

That, we are. This bliss, that is fire.

And when you die before you die, time stops for a bit. The seasons change outside but you don’t know where the breeze went.

The sun rises and you see the same tree. Dancing in the wind, leaves rustling about. Then the leaves fall. And so it is.

This happens for some time. The birds always chirp and their melodies never change. Always in tune.

Winter comes. And then spring. The warm rains brew.

You open the door and step into the breeze. It is alive. And so am I.

I wander. But I’m not lost anymore. I soon find myself with some other faces. And we laugh. What a sight to see.

And in that moment and the ones that follow, the air really is sweet. Because spring is here. And I am reborn, free from fear.

Welcome back, traveler. The world missed you.

There are good people in this world.

Look into my eyes.

There are good people in this world.

You will find them.

When you least expect it.

And when you most wish for them too.

Because there is good in this world.

Yes, there is evil.

Yes, there are demons.

Yes, I am the devil.

But, yes.

Yes, I am.

Yes, there are.

Yes, there is.

So seek for all that there is.

Because there is good in this world.

And you will find it.

The yes beyond good and evil.

So look into my eyes,

And say with me,

There are good people in this world.

—

Time in timeless

Move in moveless

Past, future, now

What's knowing this life?

I, me, livingness, free

Everything nothing and full of glee

Reality is a fierce beast, she does not let up easily; she is the true fight for the divine.

I surrender to the untamed unknown and yield to unyielding - the annihilation of illusion is but a relentless wild.

I’m scared by the ferocity of truth. And yet, here I am, being thrown into mystery.

Can you lay with me?

For a minute,

Before the day starts.

Can you stay with me?

Hold me close,

Tell me it'll be alright.

Can I be with you?

Through the good times and bad,

Find me calling you home.

Can I laugh with you?

Wonder about the stars,

Lost in this world.

Forever in those eyes

I see a world so grand

A future I can't believe

But was here all along

I’m stuck. I’ve been living the same day for years. I’ve gotten so used to time that seasons left goodbye.

In these years, I’ve watched myself die. I’d look in the mirror and see no color in these eyes.

I’d look into each iris and follow the memories. They’d go round and round just to leave me the same. Nothing ever happens, they say. I suppose they were right.

My mind went for loops and the days went for nights. There was no way out. But how did I get in?

I’d walk the park and sit on my favorite bench. The tree was always the tree. Each grass just as lonely as me.

Even when things were familiar, I was nothing but lost. Not in the world, but of my mind.

And so, I wondered who I was. Who I really am. What was meant to be?

I didn’t know. Nothing felt right. Nothing felt me. Each iris to thought to tree led right back to me. But how could that be?

I was too scared to face my life, because there had to be a why. Something to make up for everything, make everything right.

I knew there wasn’t. Or at least that’s what I fooled myself to believe.

I’d understood nothing, which opened everything. I had to let up faith, for faith to really be.

I’ve been searching for an answer, a wanderer of time. I had to lie about the lie to let the truth finally rise.

The living and dying.

This dance of knowing, and not.

It is the ode of the soul.

The epic of the heart.

So pluck the weeping strings.

The elegies of your being.

Sing the ballads of your might.

Be the lyric of your will.

That rhyme of right.

For there are psalms of wrong.

And sonnets of fright.

Do not fear this grand symphony.

You are the conductor.

You are the composer.

And what you already see

is that there is but a simple tune.

This cadence to the world.

And what you already feel

is that beautiful melody.

This up and down, this left and right.

For that is all in your heart.

All in your soul.

All in your mind.

So do what you must.

Do not fear trust.

For these harmonies

are your magical stories.

They are always being told.

They are always being heard.

So this living and dying.

There is never any quiet.

And that is my peace.

My forever love that stays. And leaves.

And that is my wonder.

For I am everything I ponder.

So my heart is always open.

And I wrestle my eternal soul.

For that is what is the chosen.

And in the tears of my night did I find faith that is the light.

For I had wondered too far,

Shadows beneath this hollow star.

Sorrow had carved a path so true,

And in my ache did dawn break through.

What once was found in silent screams,

Now lost in sacred dreams.

Each wound a door, each fall a prayer,

Each breath a fire I can’t bear.

And in the tears of my night did I find faith that is the light.

It burned not loud, but deep.

This lull my soul could keep.

No answers bold nor bright.

But stillness of the night.

For the dark a foe a guide,

This mirror my truth can’t hide.

And I unmade, became this flame.

That needs no past, that seeks no name.

And in the tears of my night did I find faith that is the light.

The sky collapsed, the moon fell down,

And here I drowned with no crown.

So let the sun forget my face,

I am home this empty grace.

This faith not given nor taught,

Born where night and soul are caught.

And in that mess behind all sight,

I am dark, I am light.

And in the tears of my night did I find faith that is the light.

And within you are worlds within worlds within worlds within worlds. Fields so vast no wonder the future was the past.

I am.

And within me are words and paintings and symphonies so profound, they are just waiting to be found. For what is lost, that is the cost.

I am.

And within lostness is the heart of hearts and the truth of all truths. That lostness is being found.

I am.

And it is this being lost and found that is the great dance of my life. For I have gone far and wide just to seek and hide. I’ve tormented my soul to bear that I lied.

I am.

And it is within this falsehood of my being that shows me the truth of my becoming. Because I am but a world within worlds, for I am all that is and was.

I am.

As I sit here by the water, the sun rises. The patterns of the waves weave in and out. On and on.

I see the sky. The farthest cloud I read is but a white painted on some blue. Just hues.

And as I settle into this quiet, I realize my peace. For what was there to question all along?

It took a long time to get here. A really long time. Days and days of wandering into the void. For the void was not some idea, but lostness. I was lost in my mind and of the world.

And in the fire of wrestling I found myself. For I am here. Truly here.

All the questions I had about myself and the world and what to do had tortured me for years. It was all I knew.

In that time was a loop of resisting and accepting. What a waste. There was nothing to accept.

But it wasn’t. It was a devastating journey, but one I can call being lost and found. For the world goes round and round.

And so I sit here by the tree. Happy is me, free as can be.

And so I found in me an other, this one I see in front of me.

This mirror of my dreams, she is the storyteller.

My imagined thoughts paint the canvas of her soul. And so she reflects back to me the light that is reality.

All my questions and fears I throw at the wall, she never falters or falls.

My deepest nightmares I’ve so hidden away, they come out for she is the play.

All my passions and joys I’ve so wildly captured, they erupt and flail all in her rapture.

For she is what the world shows back to me. And she is everything it needed to be.

This mirror of my dreams, she is the storyteller.

And so I found in me an other, this one I see in front of me.

The dance of existence

The song of experience

Liminal symphony

Ephemeral harmony

I conduct the puppet strings

And so does he

Reality and me

Together this brings

This weaver of time

My lever of rhyme

Alchemical trickery

Nothing mastery

So free

So glee

No be

Just me

We artists of being

We are but simple beings. Caught in our dreams, seeking what’s deep. And searching for truth.

So we create. Me and more me’s. What is to be?

And so we yearn. Who pulls our wounded strings? To free in a world trapped by me.

We fight and hurt and wonder why I did that. Sometimes it was worth it. It never really was.

We chase what’s good and feels whole. Writing magical tales of a simple tree.

And so we quest and pray for an end. Something to make it all go away. And maybe okay. But that’s for another day.

And so we live and ride our wildest fears. I wonder what’s near.

For it’s the truth I bear. We are but simple beings.

And it is in the depths we go that we see the mirror of our souls.

That we are.

That I am.

And it is this wonderful harrowing journey of twists and turns that lead us to home.

Again.

And again.

We live the stories of our hearts and create the worlds of our minds.

To wonder about the stars.

To cry and laugh and fear all that we are.

We suffer and pray and hope for better days.

To free us from our woes.

To carry us above all throes.

We tell the magic of our lies,

The tears of our why’s,

And sometimes goodbye’s.

I have walked among this earth and stumbled with the clouds.

I have struggled with the sky and danced with the moon.

And so I have loved.

The mystery of it all was in pondering where I went,

Because my soul was always the mirror of what I am.

And it is in the depths we go that we see the mirror of our souls.

That we are.

That I am.

Many times through the journey in the woods, I asked why I was the traveler.

Sometimes, it seemed reality needed an unraveler.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I was becoming to surrender.

I was being more by being lesser.

But it had been a painful journey.

This wasn’t what I wanted, this wasn’t me.

And so I was forced to let go, and not learn.

For the world had to take, and so I to yearn.

Here I was, by my lonely self,

Asking for some help, a mind eating itself.

And as the chaos grew, so did the quiet.

For the pain and suffering was and was not disquiet.

So here I was, with nothing but me left.

Seeking for some truth, all in it bereft.

That, I’ve come to see,

Was this mystery of seek.

For you struggle and wrestle only to lose,

So the world gets to choose.

And she takes you on this up and down

To show you all around.

So then do you tender, and surrender,

And say my mind is no defender, my reality no offender.

For I am the truth, this traveler of youth.

And so I wander through the stars, seeking to choose here and afar.

And so, I see, each time I wake up to another dream.

The sky was always there. Sometimes there were clouds.

The sun was always there. Sometimes it would rain.

I have always been, through the wretched laughs of my soul.

I am always seen, through the beautiful cries of my being.

At long last, I’m home.

The prison of my heart is no more.

For I am loved truly and deeply.

I know it now. I wonder why I lied.

But that’s a riddle for tomorrow.

Because I can cry and not ask to lose.

For I am hope, through and through.

The wonders and chaos was needed, I see

To suffer and wander free.

“I’ve awakened the animal and angel in him.”

And she didn’t have to do anything but exist.

“I want her. Even in her chaos. Even in her mess. I’m not afraid of her. I want to love her like this.”

That is the signature of the sacred.

“I love you so much it breaks me. And I don’t know what to do with this storm he stirs in me.”

A love so deep you can’t help but devour.

“I can’t help but laugh at the totality of what I feel. It’s terrifying. And beautiful.”

This divine madness where two souls fully meet. And collide.

“I want all of you. I need it. I need it all.”

That force so powerful, a cosmic fire burning through it all.

“I see all of you. Even your darkest parts. And I choose you. Not despite them, but because of them.”

A kind of love that demands everything and gives everything in return. And more.

“I love everything about you.

Because you make me love.

You make us real.

I love you.”

"Let me love you wildly.

Let it ruin me.

Let it be the fire that burns through every lie.

Every lie I ever told about what love should be."

These days, I walk with a limp.

My muscles and bones have felt too much weight. But, it has been transforming.

My left side frozen, my left hip contorted, my left shoulder thwarted. And now, the release.

As reality opens, so do I. Every fiber of my being infused with light. My mind removed from illusion into stillness.

Peace is a moment away, so I follow the way.

I wait for my mind to be free, unbounded by the world.

I listen for the crickets.

How do you know? That what you have is real? That the love you found is the one that found you? That it wasn’t forced or had, and was just what needed to be?

I don’t. And I’m scared. I’m so lost.

But I have to fight, and pray I’m right.

That my other is near,

Because the stars have their night.

When you face your demons, reality will reward you with the eyes of primordial art. Everything is and always will be drawn perfectly. What’s real will be a dream. And yet, instead of being consumed, you become. Liberated, as the wind.

Through the fire of seeking

Emerge child’s laugh.

The prison and release;

I was always here,

Somewhere nowhere to be.

I’m a simple being. I chase good feelings. And guess what? Nothing beats love. To feel such profound beauty, and to know it too. How lucky am I to be a fool?

there’s this Boy, he looks out and sees-

lazy bees,

towering trees,

wandering peas,

and a softhearted breeze.

he thinks and wonders;

such striking colors!

what can i uncover;

Where is my mother?

he lives and ponders;

Figures grow duller.

Who is my brother;

Why must we suffer?

he laughs and cries;

I don’t like goodbyes!

such beautiful eyes;

i fight being wise.

He wishes and utters;

i like pools and summer.

Why must I shudder

At what i discover?

There’s this boy, he looks out and sees-

Endless pleas,

Whispering seas,

Knowing it flees,

And accepting that frees.

Painted days: windows of light

Dwelling in despair.

Yearn, plead against the fight

Should I right or just lay bare?

Deep glows beyond my scope

Yet nothing, ever seething

Bargain must, mustn't hope

All hues, dumbly screaming

Traveler begs-

I can't take more.

I have to see!

Last undying score.

Muse,

Cannot tame this seek

Dream,

Must lame this peace

Bleeding moments so small,

I resign:

Grasping cosmic call.

Awaken, my child.

“This prison I can’t escape

This prison I guess is me"

As I sit here with tears running down my face,

I finally give in.

One last breath-

I surrender, let darkness win.

And darkness no more.

Everything has lifted. What is this I feel?

Something’s changed.

I open my eyes.

She is brighter.

I feel lighter-

Am I free?

One more breath.

Air gives me life-

Is this glee?

I get up.

One step. And then another. And another.

The world is cold no more.

More tears. No pain. Only joy.

Time to find me-

For all eternity.

I don't know how to be, But now I am free

I don't know what changed, But I like what I see

I fear what I witness,

I move on with quickness,

The sun is going down,

I am lost yet I am found.

I wonder the past, I wander the future

Human I suppose, A creature I chose

Sometimes I get it,

Moments never last.

What is the present?

I’m haunted by my past.

I am me and I am free,

I am free but I am me.

Maybe this is how to be.

So what to do now,

I stumble about.

Wait,

Am I the now?

How funny to see!

I am the matter, I exist and scatter

This twisted journey!

Yet I laugh,

Why do I yearn me?

So who is me

When time has no last.

For now,

Is but a moment past.

I am me-I am free

What a journey,

Forever mystery of glee.